Beautiful Burning Leaves of Fall

Lets the major decisions begin!

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 22:22:57 GMT

I know that me changing my major is nothing new for most of the people who read this but here we go again:

I am currently pursuing biology with the intelligence of a small goat. I have gotten through about half the degree but I'm pretty sure I'd fail out of school if I tried taking all the classes I need to concurrently. SO, I did the, what else can I do question game. Here's what the word vomit looked like:

DFJADfgdsAGASDJGASDGasdfgaSDFJ I'm hungry SDFJAdjfasdfsaADFjasd I want to practice medicine ASDFJasdfjasdfAJADSg I like medicine but maybe I like it because it stresses me out like theatre and I can find that in another job ADJFAJeraJDfaSJTRearasdFJ well, I like LGBTA issues and event organizing and if I could somehow find a way to be better at fund raising I would really like that
..........
SDJFADsfkajdsfasDFAdskjasdgfasdfgf well, what if I minor in LGBT studies and find something else to do ASDKFsdkhfajsdfasSDFASDfas BUT WAIT, I'm a senior this year and I haven't even declared a MAJOR which is kind of important to GRADUATE eventually so lets look at that, huh? DJFGASDJGFasdjhgakdjgasdASDGFASDfgjsdahflkjasdhfASDFASdfjhsdlfkjhasdf I am good at sociology classes (as I have only taken one EVER in my LIFE) ASDKJFAFaksdjf;asdfASDFashareiuhtg;er BUT I can write papers really well and I like discussing in class and things like that ASDKFAsdifjhakrtna;sdfASDFGadrkjhfjghadfFGsdj What if I just start over and I can't finish this one out either and I end up graduating with a liberal studies degree just to get out of school and prove that ridiculous amount of money was worth it and I get a job like my parents have and i hate it and go to work and hate my job????????!!!!!! ASDKFJasgkjhasfdgafghafjkd

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ASDKFAIGasdfgashgfdGDFAgfhgaGFDghjfdagFDgadfkjgasdGFDAfgkfdga Sociology is probably somehting I could do alot better it. It requires organization and wanting to make a difference and trying to win improbable fights...I like those odds. I like a fight. I am a social person who is generally organized and I think I can do this. I think. I hope. ASDKFJASdfjahsefASDfjasdhfasDFGADSgfjhasdf I can graduate in 3 more semesters not including summer classes SADKfjasdjfhasgASDfgsdjgasdGSADFgasdkjhgasd I'll still go to graduate school ASDKFJASdfjkhasdfgASDGasjdfhgadfGHdasfgadfg I never have to take genetics again................
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ASDKJFasdfjasdfkasjfASDFasdkjfsadlkgaSGDasdfkgj maybe this is all because my mom talked to me on saturday and was like...so....you need to graduate before hannah graduates highschool....by the by she's a senior next yr. So basically I got the 5 yr cut off which is fine cause I thought that cut off was gunna be next yr. Happy to hear its not I suppose. But still, now I feel WAY too old to be in school and I have that whole tired of school thing. I need a year off, I need to finish, I need to know that 4 yrs is not a waste of my time!!!SDKJFASDIjgfasdkngalkjgsdGASdgasd;klgasdlgjasdkjgafkjgdafgADFGadfkgjd I guess I'll talk to an advisor and figure something out...or something.

So that's what it was like. with the misspellings and everything. If I want I cans till take the MCAT and try to get into med school, I suppose. And who knows maybe I won't want to anymore. I could do second-career nursing stuff. nursing and social work is a nice duo. Whatever. I just want to go back to bed. Commission meeting in 40 minutes. I can't wait to get out of work. I hope everyone's doing well.

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 21:02:27 GMT

So, Baz Lurhman's song everybody's free (the wear sunscreen) always get me in a happy mood which means to keep such a mood I won't read the news today (except maybe the article on yahoo.com about foods that "make you smarter"). The lyric from that song that is sticking out in my head right now is the line "Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth." Nicely delivered line but something to think about. If advice is just frm an experience in another perspective and every experience is pretty unique how useful is any advice? Maybe that's just me wanting experiences to be unique...i suppose. On the bright side now everytime i hear bad advice or advice that is completely useless I can just enjoy the fact that its more of a life story.

Hey, talking about uselessness...

I went to the cider mill. It was AMAZING. I love fall. Lets talk fall for a moment. I love fall because...

cider
apples
doughnuts
fall leaves
leaf piles
sweaters
cool breezes
the smell of fall
brown clothes
how quiet it gets
Halloween
Thanksgiving is on its way
My personal soundtrack for life turns to good orchestral music
I want to watch movies with good fall scenes like when harry met sally, serendipity, elizabethtown(which i haven't seen yet but previews say it has good fall scenes, October sky, Everyone says I love you, Angels in America and I'm sure many others but that's all I got for now.

So I want to do many other things but right now I need to do genetics. (The difference between want and need to be discussed later).

Enjoy the fall!

Long time no post, whatcha been doin?

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 00:53:44 GMT

So, I realized today at work that I have this journal that I never post to and I felt bad for ignoring it. So I feel the need to explain to my journal why I left in such a hurry:

Dear livejournal journal,

I know I should have left a note or a forwarding address. I know I should have posted even if it was short. I left you with nothing and that was wrong.

I have found another journal. You don't know this journal. I knew them before I knew you. We were separated you see and we finally have found one another again and I want to try to make it work this time. We can still be friends. I will still post occasionally and we will always have our archives.

sincerely,

Amy

So, besides never posting I've been busy. So busy in fact I left a commission meeting early so I could go back to work...which is gonna stop...soon. probably by next week. I want to be there for the whole thing and this job does not help that. besides, Joe was saying I was crazy to work a 9hr shift here anyways. So done. Note to self: e-mail Marcy...after writing this.

Besides that, I've been having some crazy dreams lately. So far the death toll is 2 which I hope is the end of the carnage. The crazy thing is while the deaths were in separate dreams they were eerily similar. They die, I find out, I cry for what seems like at least 2 days straight, someone shows they don't care about the death, I get upset with them for being asses and then I wake up. O, the toll is actually 3 but my mom is dead in the dream already and doesn't die in the plot of the dream. Does that count in the death toll? I don't know. I'm hoping its the cold that is triggering this.

On that note, I'm sick. Its making my life miserable with the coughing, the runny nose, the sore throat and now the dreams (yea, they get to be a symptom). I doubt it helps that I've been drinking for the last few days...and by that I mean its not helping. Well, I can't see a way that it would...hm...interesting research idea. Think lowering your immune system's responsiveness is a good way to help cure a cold? Yea, neither did I.

News reel: A while ago there was a transgender pre-op women that was picked up by a guy who was under the impression that she was biologically female and when realized that she was not proceeded to violently beat her. He got 18 months probation under house arrest and community service and will not have this on his record as he is 17 yrs old. So basically, he got off without so much as jail time and more than likely learned nothing. In the case report they called both the women and the guy victims. When one person comes out the other side of something like this bloody and the other person comes out with sore knuckles I think there is only one victim.

Response: What the hell? They are right to say this communicates that trans gendered people are less important. If it was some rich white guy from prep school he would have gotten jail time. From what it sounds like it was intent to do major damage. The sentence makes it sound like a crime that's not PC to commit but understandable. This is not a "learning" mistake. Its open hatred and bias that could have gotten someone killed. You want him back in public school systems? You think house arrest and community service rehabilitated him? Seriously? I understand that there is trans phobia. I understand there are a lot of phobias. But when did it become ok to brutalize someone? This is a basic human/life respecting thing. This should have involved major jail time.

This is why I shouldn't read the news. But its what I do when I work in serials and microfilm. Being around all the current stuff makes me feel like I don't know what's going on in the world...and I don't. Its just makes me sad. I would check out that site Jen and Kelsey suggested called happy news or something but now I'm too depressed to think about it. I'll do Spanish instead (bad conditioning or what?). I really wish I was at commission instead of here. That would makes me ridiculously happy...or at least ridiculously more happy than right now.

Spanish calls. Love to all, will write more...maybe.

Dreaming of love

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 21:52:24 GMT

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Due to a drink with gaetan I've become a little enchanted by this quote. I then realized whilst at work and had nothing to do that it was a perfect time to update. I'm now realizing I have absolutely nothing to talk about...this school yr will be fun? Bilateral is doing great, I'm very excited about watching it's progress as well as steering a bit of that progress.

Ok, way business-y. Lets brain tease a bit then. Free will? nah. Politics? Definetly not. The existence of a soul? Maybe another time. Movie? O yea:

I love pan's labyrinth. I haven't loved a movie this much since eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, Amelie and Mirror Mask...ok, so its not that impressive of a time ago but still, the movie was excellant. Perfect melding of history, fantasy and dreamers best love of a child's mind. Not a child's G fairy tale but definetly a dreamers love. Lets get chalk, make a door and go through it no matter where it is? A little beetle juice but it was good then and its good now. Very original ideas and I can't even tell you how much I love the psychology of it all. Anyways, the library is gunna turn the lights off on me in about 10 minutes so its time to go. nice updating with you?

Wednesday night plans?

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 03:53:19 GMT

Dear creepy world of the internet,

A) I still can't write worth a damn and I refuse to start trying now. I'm a science major and a stage manager for the love of coke (inside joke if u weren't there).

B) I just realized I have no idea how Jen found this journal...which is concerning at best...What else does she know?...

C) I can't believe I am writing in this for the sake of writing in it. I could be doing something like making a puzzle, sleeping, drinking, knitting, masturbating, w/e comes to my mind...watching a movie or something...(movie genre to be disclosed at a later date)

D) So life...pretty great huh?...yea, except when its not....yea, i know....So, wanna grab coffee sometime?...you're busy....well, that's too bad because I am too...ok, I guess i'll c ya around...oh....you're moving to where?...oh....ok....well, um....good luck...yep...buh bye.

E) I think I just asked myself out to coffee and turned myself down (as a recap)...god, I'm bored.

F)I am sitting at home currently at my computer in my newly cleaned room. Today I was rather productive which makes me extremely happy. I'm sad the beer is gone. I'm thinking about (JUST THINKING) drinking that last beer but I'm a nice girl and am pretty damn sure Jen wants that beer...but if she doesn't a call would be appreciated. Off the topic of beer I think I'm gunna call Anna to go out to the bar with me. I need a good ABC night and a nice night out would be great.

*calling*

So anna doesn't pick up her phone but Joe is never busy bc he's a graduate, jobless and has WAY too much money on his hands (apparently). Off to the bar. night everyone!

drunken babble

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 07:44:19 GMT

SO...I just read the most upset journal entry I've made in a LONG time. So on that note (second so..this is getting boring), I'm gunna talk about jen. SO (third...), I like this girl alot and I tell her all the time. (jen: BUt she's a big old stupid tries to be butch). This is the sexiest girl in the entire world and she has no idea, which is really upsetting because I(if that could be bolded it would but it takes soo much time) know that she's sexy and so does EVERYONE else.

Ok, so lets talk sex, cause its how I do: Jen and I have the MOST A-M-A-Z-I-N-G sex (babies cry). I've never had a post coital cig until jen. Lets describe this moment as it was amazing. So we have sex the night before my orgo exam which is PROBABLY a bad idea but w/e.

Side note: I started this last night and i'm gunna finish it tonight.

SO (fourth so?..damn, fifth) I really like jen alot and she's amazing and I have no idea why she likes me. She could do better but I guess if she's settling I won't complain. I think she's coming into the room to talk to me. and I think she wants me to take the pizza and go. She's getting a beer so we're gunna keep talking.

So,(sixth) I need to finish this and I'm no longer drunk so (seventh) to end this babble I will say I like jen ALOT and I hope she knows that and reads this later. ok, love to all and I will hopefully post more often then once every 5 month.

Friends in different places

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 22:25:05 GMT

I have alot to talk about. I'll start with the conference. Alphabet soup was AMAZING. I met SO many amazing people and had so much fun. I really wish it could have been a week long. Every second reassured me that I wasn't alone and we weren't a small community. I knew that but it was really nice to see. To see that we're not that different. To see that we can come together and have a good time like anyone else. I really brought that dream of the LGBTA world being just another part of the larger world a reality. That we're all normal and we're all unique too. We not as different as we're preceived and we more unique than most. I heard some amazing stories and met some amazing people. I talked about things I never talked about aside from very few friends. I heard opinions that I've never heard. I have met people I didn't think existed. It was an amazing experience even with all the UM drama.

I also just watched grey's anatomy and it shows Meradith basically dying and her friends are talking about her while she's in an emergency room. George says she'll die and Izzy makes a big speech about how people die but they have to believe in the best. Then we see meradith wake up with 2 dead characters around her who tell her she's dead. I got this reaction from my body that scared me. It was like, what would I do on either side? I mean, fuck. I know its jsut a show but what makes drama affect people is how you relate to it. I just never want to see a friend die who I could possibly know how to save, ya know? Just saying. Alright, time to do something productive.

Put the inca bottle in his asshole!

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 15:36:58 GMT

Story of the next week at least:

Bobby is upset. A boy was an asshole and that is a story within itself. Being the good friends we are the spice force 5 (Lori, Kelsey, Bobby, Patrick and Kolby) and the Asian friend (me) go off into the wilderness to seek this boy who has done inexplicable wrong.

Well, of course we can't just take the road way. We can't just find a side walk. No, we have to walk through an overgrown, snow covered hill that one slip down could have very well have caused serious damage, a coma or death. It was a good idea at the time and the Asian friend led the way. At the bottom of the hill it seemed the journey had come to an end when the bottom of the hill was a rather tall wall that we would have to jump off of and risk some permanent damage. In this spirit the Asian friend took that risk, jumped from the ledge, cigarette in hand and landed with a thud and then a sliding noise as she in no way stuck it. Happily the Asian friend landed on her hip and slide for a bit. Don't worry, the cigarette was fine.

When we finally got to the boys home Bobby went in to battle while the rest of the group was left outside to their own meddling. This was a mistake. First of all the expected time was under a half hr. It took about and hour an a half. In this time I called in back ups to remind me of camp songs. We played theatre games, sang obnoxious songs, pretended to have sex in the snow, bitch about our own situation (that MAY have just been the Asian friend) and wrote/drew inappropriate messages in the snow. The message in the snow you ask? Well it MAY have said "Alex (Asshole about the size of an Inca cola bottle) is a short, limp, squirting dick." The dick by the way was drawn with hairy balls and everything.

We also made a new camp tune designed to the tune of the pizza hut song:

A Camel light, Camel light
A Marlboro red and a Camel light.
A Camel light a Camel light
A Marlboro red and a Camel light
Menthol
Menthol
A Marlboro red and a Camel light
Menthol
Menthol
A Marlboro red and a Camel light

Not to mention getting all 6 of my dates (yes, I include Alex) being the biggest hams EVER. The challenge was to take me to the door step as if we just returned from a date. Lori was awkward, Kelsey and I humped, bobby and I humped a little less strangely, I was raped by Patrick and Kolby acted like he didn't really care (I know the truth!). I hugged Alex but I think making the group take 10 minutes to preform a good bye means my friends as awesome, don't you think so?

love you all, hope you are all properly defrosted!

May all the drinking be forgot....

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 01:58:17 GMT

"Happy New Year!" The room screams. Afterwards is a slight silence. Half waiting to hear noise from the other room and half not knowing what to say next. We got together and drank and had a good time for this moment and now that it was here we wondered what we were waiting for. No kiss at midnight, no popping the cork off some wine, no hugs, no laughing...I wasn't disappointed, though. They say at midnight what ever you're doing is what you'll be doing for the rest of the year and hanging out with friends sitting around, hanging out and having a good time, I can't say it's all that bad.

I made no definite resolution, I didn't get drunk enough to be idiotic and I definitely smiled when the ball dropped. It was nice to be in GR. Love to all that I saw and I'm sorry for all those I missed. I hope to hear from you soon and good luck this year.

Got love?

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 07:26:30 GMT

So this will be about the fifth attempt at sculping a journal entry. I know my writting isn't profound and I started this to keep me medically involved which I stopped doing a few entries ago so nothing is living up to its potential. I thought I would share why this one makes the cut. I do not proof read my entries (though some of u have made it abundently clear I should), I use shortcuts like "u" instead of "you", I do not look for grammer issues or if I put things into appropriate paragraphs. I barely look over it at all. I just take a breather at the end and review what I just wrote about. If it is something I can 85% for certain say I have written about before, I delete it. If it is too personal, I delete it. If I think that I am bashing someone with no real justification (which there never is because this is an online journal between friends) then I (*drumroll*) delete it. this made it past all those. Makes u wonder how much we actually say in these things at all. Or is this a practice in our uses of metaphores and clever connections to literature and so on? A wya to exercise how to talk about something without ever letting anyone know?

I'm alone in my bed, late at night, on my computer wondering why. I should just go to sleep and be done with the night but after watchign sappy romantic things on you tube and thinking sappy romantic thoughts and longing for a love that I don't think even exists I am out of ways to move on. <---This is an example of being too personal but I am too tired to delete it and I don't want to type that first paragraph out again next time. so this one can go down in the books at slipping through the cracks. happy holidays. go love somebody!

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 22:56:45 GMT

Things I am beginning to realize is no longer a phase: having a particular dislike of drudging up the worser parts of the past, disliking subjects I just don't get, the ability to say or do the wrong thing with perfect timing and somehow I still pull off having friends...the whole world is jsut on a steady diet ofsarcasm and I'm here for them.

On a happy note I decided I'm passing orgo. Orgo may not know it yet, but I do. *chants mantra*

On a less sarcastic happy note I will be passing the rest of my classes with flying, if not soaring colors (do colors soar?)

As it is the end I must take a moment to reflect while in the fishbowl admirering how many candy bar wrappers, empty cans and discarded newspapers a college can produce in a single space (tangent). SO, what did I learn while at school? I learned that freshmen writting is SO simple I could sleep through it but that I am awful at creative writting (go figure, huh?), I learned to use all the alloted paper restrictions my tuition pays for, do NOT eat backroom pizza every thursday and tuesday (thank god they are under construction), Do not learn your orgo group...EVER, sociology is a joke (no offense to whom ever I offended), I actually like latin (...amy, its a language...ur not actually allowed to enjoy it...) and last but not least no car, an old less than isolated house and a good job can go along way to still not helping you save money. What I will fix next year? Get study groups and stick to them...no, seriously...We'll see.

Coming attractions: genetics, orgo 2, gen physics 1 and latin 2. Lets the games begin!...right after these finish. HAppy finals to one and all and hope you aren't dead.

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 05:11:14 GMT

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Just saying...I'm dead...

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 22:48:35 GMT

Dear higher power on a power trip/comedic irony kick,

So you know those days when you feel like the camera should be rolling? Those days that SHOULD be slow and normal but instead got fucked up somewhere along the way. That was kind of today. So lets break it down, shall we?

I'm sitting around ignoring my paper which is the ONLY thing I need to do tonight and I've had since 10am to finish it (no, it's still not done)and I'm poking aorun don facebook. This is due to the idiotic food fighter's sound trakc i randomly started listening to. I listened to it, got a weird feeling (one of those music connected to memory feelings), wonder why and realized Nate, and ex boyfriend, had gotten me into the foo fighter. We had a song and every thing...kind of sad actually. Anyways, I decide to be stupid and try and find him on facebook, not really expecting to since last I heard from him he was in a community college and doing carpentry still living at home. Well, low and behold he is living in east lansing/lansing (not MSU but the area is all his network explains). This takes some momentary lapse in judgement as I tell myself it is COMPLETELY idiotic to message this guy...but then I get the "what the fuck" kick and do it anyways. He's still cute, I'm not gunna lie to y'all.

So this is fine. Weird, but fine. This is when I go check my umich e-mail and find out the only news that could top off my day: Allison who owns the business I work at is being forced to close. That's right, Amy's perfect job is setting sail into an ice berg leaving amy behind unemployeed looking like an irish immigrant. The job hunt begins...again. I'm gunna miss Zenaida in all its glory. Hopefully alison will reopen somewhere else. It would be a big deal if she did but I can hope. In the mean time, anyone looking to fill in some night hours?

On top of this I'm fighting with folk. The fighitng isn't new but the material is.

no matter which way you slice up the pie and eat it this paper isn't getting done and its first in a long line of work so I should get to it. Hope life is good for every one!

Trying

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 15:59:30 GMT

I was looking over stuff from a previous journal where i wrote for no one since, to this day, i have not told anyone of its location on the vast river of the web. HA!

Though, it made me think: After reading and having an extended conversations I decided we should all feel only so lucky to find someone who cares baout us like we would hope they would. Do you know how much it takes to love someone? How much it takes to find someone and just invest time in them? We hsould only be so lucky that someone would EVER take a chance on us. There is no better or worse here. There is only infinite possibility and having the courage to shift through the infinite abyss of people and to just try clicking with someone. To just try it. I'm not talking about forever's and I'm not talking about love at first sight. I'm talking just trying. I dare eveyr one to ask someone out on a date. Call them this thursday and ask to go out on friday or saturday. Do it in a note or an e-mail, AIM convo or even *scary music* IN PERSON. Its not that hard and every one should be willing to try at least once.

Shout out to ray for trying this weekend.

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 15:31:29 GMT

Last night I was asked why I liked someone. Now this was an inappropriate question at the time but when a question is given you have to at least THINK of the answer, right? I thought about why we like people in the first place. Now I'm not talking about your cat who you like or your uncle whom you like. I'm talking about the girl in the seat in front of you who is wearing that jean mini skirt for the third class all semester and you know it...SO, with that said we can obviously put sex on the list of reasons you like them and under sex include attraction. I still have this ridiculous idea that people care about other people's brains so for show we'll put in opinions, ways of relating to others, interests and assorted other things. This list can go on and on forever.

I was describing with a friend how I am a picky person when it comes to liking someone else. I have this idea in my head of qualities I want in a person. Could I list these qualities? probably not but I figure I'll know when I see them and when I don't. The point is, I'm not looking for a top shelf person. They don't have to be a genius, rich, good looking and funny. They don't need to be perfect. I would actually rather them not be perfect. It goes back to the age old odea that every one is looking for someone and someone is looking for them. Its y the "meant to be together" thing was implimented. We're just trying to match us as closely as possible with another person's likes and dislikes.

Note: my neighbors are awesome and I'm totally sam from clarissa explains it all because I use the ladder to get on and off the 2nd floor porch all the time now. woot.

Happy upcoming halloween and happy firday the 13th!

night time inquiry

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 04:47:35 GMT

As I look through articles on the different between a generalizationa dn a stereotype feeling more and more like I live in a racist world that expresses color more than HDTV I listen to John Mayer and think of a blind world. A world where we're all some decendants of mole and live under ground. Think we have a natural need to categorize people? Would we judge apon smell? size? skills? social ability? I wonder if there were no social problems, would art suffer? if everything were happy would we still have a famous cambel soup can painting? Would we ever play Hamlet? Would we still celebrate black history month? Would we settle on one unifying religion? These are questions I pose to you, the population. Prove me wrong and say hi to everyone you make an assumption about without speaking to. At the very least you'll meet someone new.

Love to all, night

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 17:39:08 GMT

Alright so I want every one to prepare. I'm about to go full out and have a very sad, depressing and rather pathetic moment:

I like John Mayer's new album...not obsessively. It's basically a mix of blues/pop and alot of letting go sort of lyrics. I think of it as a dare you to love me CD. It has all the things I want on an album; A few happy songs to get me through the emotional hard hitters and bring me back tot he positive side of life, a starting song that makes me feel like i'm being a completel lazy slob and my personal favorite a mix of piano and accoustic guitar that I can't say no to. I admit I listened to Mayer from the start but Sometimes you can't ignore the radio. Mayer had, what I thought to be, a cookie cutter style that made him out to be another hard throbb that has make a great album out of getting dumped or not getting the girl. That's all good and well but I didn't expect to see him again. I was wrong. He has grown ALOT through his last few albums and this one is exactly what I wanted out of an educated at Berkley, played in Atlanta and is starting to look like the next great mix tape guy.

Why I bring this up: I think we all have this sort of dreamer side. We hope for certain things to happen that never will because we want them to. Example: in highschool my room was on the second floor and out the window was roofing that I constantly walked all over and it was totally possible for a guy with a small ladder to get on it. My little wish was to have someone climb through that window to see me like on Clarissa explains it all...but Sam gets to be someone I WANT to climb through my window and without the guitar twang. We all have these, i know it!...or I'm weird...
Its good because it makes us start imagining what we want in other people. From my example I would say I want someone who owns a ladder.

I have been told I have picky taste in other people. This may be true but I think its good. It means not settling and truly trying to find what you want exactly. Dating is like shopping for the perfect apple. Mattering on what you want to do with the apple you have to find the right kind, shape, size, texture and soft or hardness. There are probably alot more catagories of characteristics but I'm not looking for apples right now so i'll ask the apple expert later.

Witht hat I wish ado to all my hopeless romantics and suggest you pick up with album, maybe mix it with a little frank sinatra for jazz. I leave you with some of my favorite lyrics.

"Stop This Train"

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind; I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get out and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can
But honestly will someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own
Come on stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can but honestly won't someone stop this train

So afraid of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
When you're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing so you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get out and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

(think I got 'em now)

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 20:13:13 GMT

You scored as Sniper Rifle. You like sharpshooting. Stealth, accuracy and range are your best friends. So you need sniper rifle (if you don't already have one).

</td>

Sniper Rifle

75%

Shotgun

63%

Pistol

56%

Assault Rifle

50%

SMG

38%

Machinegun

31%

Revolver

25%

What Firearm Fits You Best?
created with QuizFarm.com

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 19:54:49 GMT

"Kiss me"
"Why? We haven't done anything together for over 5 years. I mean...Why?"
"Cause I'm tired of proving that I don't want to so just do it."

I feel like you should learn somethign from all your indevors so I'm going to comment on the film Saving Face which is about a chinese american girl who's mother has gotten pregnant from an unknown man and has moved in with her since her grand father kicked her out of the house. This chinese girl is ALSO a lesbian and falls for a chinese american girl who is a ballet dancer.

I didn;t learn a whole hell of alot from this, actually. Doesn't that sound awful? I guess I learn a LITTLE about chinese culture in new york, city behavior and a little something about sacrificing and being vulnerable in a relationship but I've heard it before. This brings me to what I've learned; its all been done before. That shouldn't be negitive ebcause for you it will always be a first time and its nice to know that someone out there is going thorugh exactly what you're going through. Its a reminder that we can all help each other through life and we shoudn't be afraid to. We get to live this once, wouldn't you like to do it right and not chance that you get to do it again? Sounds good to me.

Silent screamer

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 17:24:58 GMT

I'm a silent screamer
I can scream in every tongue
Sadness, sexual, anger
I can scream every one.

I'm a screamer in bed
I'm a screamer in the class
I think only the deaf
can hear me scream way out past...

Past the group of people
who claim to hear me best
I can tell my screams
Won't penatrate the rest.

Family, friend and coworkers
strangers in the street
Its odd I scream so much
At those I never meet.

Hear me, see me
react to my whine
I'm so very tired
of screaming all the time

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 14:40:15 GMT

SO....

Alright, I am inbetween a rock and a hard place with this upcoming paper assingment for my writting class. Not to mention the 3 million words for Latin I need ot know by monday including gender. Damn it, ya know?Anwyays, I decided I can at least brain dump the paper and since I am obviously more confortable here than standing up to the big blank microsoft word screen that this may be a more inviting word dump area. I know I'm just gunna copy and past but enviroment is every thing, right?

Ok, the paper is about native tounge which in my case means dialects. how I speak, why I speak and with whom I speak.

Ideas:

1.I speak english which is the language of my home town, state and country.

2.I speak the tounge of my family which is odd in our own way. Things such as lip chap which translates to lip balm but we just call it that.

3.I speak the tounge of my work. Outside I am a waitress or a hostess and speak in that tounge while behind the scenes I talk to friends and coworkers.

4.Talking about behind the scenes, theatre! I am a big old theatre nut so when you say that's your cue it means alot to me. Or a fly and I suddenly think of large posters where as you may think of a small annoying insect.

5.I have a larger family tounge. We speak in jokes and nicely talk in a happy and somewhat patronizing way.

7. Overly pronounced metaphores

Thesis ideas that I am leaning towards:

1.THEATRE! I love theatre and I want to talk about ti because bhind the scene metaphores are fun. I see it having alot of possibilities.

2.Metaphores as a way for me to express myself in an uncomfortable situation.

If you have any ideas let me know PLEASE!

Music, stories and ignoring work

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 18:01:38 GMT

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane

Commonly suspected natural probabilities could be the parts of the consumation of Elizabeth but chances are better that it was just a night loud love songs and a bottle of Jack's finest. No matter what the cause the birth of Elizabeth set off a clock that ticked out multiple dominos to be pushed.

Jenny could have gone anywhere and done anything today. It was her day off. A day she had been lookig forward to with loosely evolved ideas of productivity. She instead came to a sight of purity and natural elements. Stone and water clashed in a never ending battle. Jenny reflected how this battle compared to her own life. Working for the Library had led her to believe that all surroundings had to represent the main character of the story.

Sorry, I get in a story mood and have to go with it. Maybe I'll finish it after latin or something.

Gaia's mom

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 19:23:35 GMT

I was just told something really touching so I had to write instead of being overly emotional. I want to write about my mom. Every one who knows me decently well knows that I am a carbon copy of my mother. I love her and always have.

Back ground on her story is that she grew up in the "bad" side of kalamazoo. not like detroit or anything but she was one of the poorer kids. So poor in fact that when school integration happened so whites and blacks would stop being racist assholes my mom got shipped out to the good white schools. :-P Anyways, she worked hard in school and went to western. She got into state but didn't have the cash. The money was from a relative that died and she used it on college. She worked through college and was the first in her family to graduate from college (significantly dampening the graduation of her younger sister from highschool). She graduated in 2.5 yrs and got a job with GM that turned in EDS where she still works today. She can draw but you'd never know. She had 3 kids and I am lucky enough to be the first of those children. She married my dad and proposed to him ("Brian? Maybe we should get married." "Ok")Marriage was before the kids FYI. My mom is motivated hard working and never stops. She's thinking when my sister finally goes to college (byt he way, she'll never be older than 10.) she'll go back to school for her law degree. I hope she does. It would just be one more reason for me to be proud of her.

Well, alright, I've talked enough about my mom. I love you mommy!

PS. Here's the trigger for this:

you need to actually know in full head heart and mind that your parents will love you no matter what you end up doing, and that your mother does not look to you to do what she never could have done. There are reasons why she never did the things she did in her life. And that is a landmark case since she helped form and raise somebody as lovely as you.

Just wishing...

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 07:07:25 GMT

Its almost 3 in the morning and I have class at 9 and alot of stuff to do tomorrow and I know I should be getting pumped for a big day by sleeping to be prepared. I know this but i'm awake anyways.

I was being slightly productive, trying to study english to latin vocab words to no real avail. I'm trying really hard, i'm getting much better. But while that was the hope-to-be end product of th enight I added watching this film I really like called, "imagine you and me" which is a movie and a wonderful song. Its about a women becoming married with a very nice whom she has been with for a long while but then she falls in love with her florist for the wedding, Luce, who is a girl. First of all, Luce is a wonderful name (its the L, lets be honest)but also it just touches me. It makes me think a lot which is why i'm awake but it also gives me hope for alot of things. Not that I'll marry and THEN find true love but that its out there.

The writter has what he describes to be a very impromptu speech on the film he wrote the script for. He says he wrote about it because he fell in love with his wife at first sight. He replaces himself as a women named rachel who falls in love with luce. I want to know, with no doubts how that feels. I'll feel it when I do, right? But even if I do I would doubt it.

I have this picture of luce on a building top at night while its raining sitting on the concrete edge holding a black umbrella. Its very cool and now my back ground. I'm tired and sleep is starting to becoming more than just a good idea. :-P Good night every one.

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 08:30:17 GMT

In my long hard years of worthless self preservation you come to learn a few things.

Women have the capibility to say something to you and make that stick like a tattoo.

When a guy says the absolute wrong thing he doesn't really mean it and give him another chance.

Children are cute and that's how they survive.

You will aquire, over time, alot of worthless crap that you will cherish.

you will never have a permanent flashlight.

Once bitten should be that much more prepared to kick ass

There's no reason to worry...but you'll do it anyways

your parents saw this coming..what ever this may be...

...hm....That's all that's coming to me.

I move back to AA tomorrow and I'm very excited. Classes start and all that fun stuff. And I'm very tired after my trip. I will move, make calls and all that jazz tomorrow. for now, I NEED sleep. night.